Addict - Nothing Left
by KaZeMix
Summary: What if Alec had never gone to Magnus while he was suicidal? What if he cut too deep with no one there to help him? (AU, read this after you read Addict)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So...um...well, I guess I have something new for Addict! This was just something that came to mind, and I thought it would be pretty cool to write what would have happened if Alec hadn't gone to Magnus when he was suicidal. Hopefully this doesn't make you hate me, but I wanted to write a "what if" fic. I hope that you enjoy this bizarre idea that I thought would be awesome. P. S., don't kill me, please...I'm too young...**

I sat amongst the rubble known as my apartment, glaring as I felt my whole body go cold. The underground wasn't far away, and it usually took the edge off of my suicidal episodes. Magnus could go screw himself, he didn't understand what being addicted meant. My legs shook as I noticed the broken noose near my TV, and the bloodied knife on the end table. I picked it up, and examined it. Dried blood on a dull, ugly blade. I rested it on the scarred inside of my hand, then watched intently as I dragged it hard against the last little bit of unscarred skin on my wrist. A scream escaped my lips as I kept dragging it, unable to stop until the pain left me. Green cat's eyes filled with tears started to appear in my mind, causing me to drop the blade next to me on the couch and look down.

The cut was deep, and bleeding heavily. I started breathing heavily as I tried to race to get paper towels. Pressing a wad to the wound, I felt my eyes burn. A few tears rushed down my cheeks as I doubled over on my couch. The pain was unbearable. Magnus's sad eyes kept sending disturbed chills down my spine as I looked for the blade.

_This time, it's going to be vertical._

My other hand searched for the blade, as I heard a commotion going on outside.

"WHERE IN THE HELL IS ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD?" An angry voice asked, from what I could only assume was a male.

"Who are you and how are you associated with Alexander Lightwood?" Another man responded, with a hint of sleepiness in his tone.

I sat up as I got up and looked out my window. A man in tight golden pants and a lightning blot t-shirt stood outside, his arms crossed over his chest as he tapped his purple Doc Martens boot against the pavement.

"He's my. . .ex-boyfriend." He responded, looking around into the windows of surrounding apartments.

The person he was talking to nodded, then pointed up to my apartment. "He lives there. Why do you want to see an ex?"

He pushed past the other man, his golden pants flashing as he walked up the steps. More tears escaped my eyes as I ducked, making pained moaning noises as I could feel the blood staining my fingers. A knock on my door caused me to stand up, and open the door with my good hand while hiding the scarred one.

Magnus stood at the door, black eyeliner smeared around his eyes and his face pale and upset.

"Alec. . .I'm really sorry for making a scene back at the party." He spoke in a low, staggery voice as he looked down, his spikes of hair limply falling over his face.

My heart raced as I felt my wound continue throbbing. I wanted to wrap both of my arms around him and tell him everything was fine, and that I wasn't cutting. He wouldn't believe my bullshit, I knew it. I sighed as I felt him pull me into his arms. The paper towel wad dropped to the ground as I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into him. My tears continued flowing, and I didn't even try to hide it. I sobbed heavily as he rubbed my back, hushing me as I looked up at him. It was just then that he noticed my blood seeping through his shirt.

"Are you. . .bleeding?" He asked as he took my arm in his hands, inspecting me.

His pupils were now thin, shaking, worried. I could feel my warm tears drip down onto my arm, and my pulse slow. Magnus tried to hide his tears, until he noticed me crying.

He pulled me close again, petting my hair before tilting my chin up and locking our gazes. "Alec, it's okay. I can help you."

My head dropped as he walked me over to my couch, sat me down and began magicking me. His hands hovered above the wound as waves of dark colors melted from his finger tips. I watched, feeling my pulse slow even more. My eyelids drooped, and I fell back, feeling for the blade with my other hand.

"Why isn't this working?" Magnus stated brokenheartedly. He looked at me while my vision began to blur.

My heart was beating every few seconds, and my limbs became hard to move, I could barely even see as my eyes closed halfway. Now, I could only hear well. Magnus was beginning to sob as I felt him pull me close.

"Alec, no you_ can't _die!" He said in a worried voice. Now every ten seconds I could feel my heart beat.

He shook me roughly, trying to wake me. I could tell he was upset, and I started whimpering as I felt a deep pain in my other arm. This time, it was vertical.

Magnus's hopes had been doused as he pulled me into his lap. My eyes opened as I stared up at him. Tears coursed down my cheeks as he lightly cradled me. He hushed me, and placed a warm, gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Shh, shh. . .calm down, you'll be alright. . ." He said quietly as he cooed me to my death.

My heart beats were now thirty seconds apart.

He continued to hold me as my life flashed before me. Nothing caused me to even feel regret for my drug addiction, until I saw something. A thirteen year old me holding hands with a boy in black skinny jeans and a band shirt. His black and blue hair flopped over one eye, and a piercing green eye was locked on me. He placed a kiss on my cheek, and I smiled at him before it faded into the two of us in a darkened bedroom, moaning and grunting as the bed beneath us creaked.

I had known Magnus before? Before my eyelids could close, I looked up at him. His face was buried in my hair, as he sobbed aloud, pulling me as closely to himself as he could.

"Alec. . .I don't want you to go. . ." He spoke through his cries.

The world became dark as I spoke my last words.

"I. . .love. . .you. . ."

Then, everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This may be the last chapter of this story. I'm sorry if it is, but it's going to be very long (For my standards XD), I promise.**

Chapter Two: Damned and Lost

When I opened my eyes, I didn't see what I had expected. The world was bright, warm, unlike my dark, dismal apartment. I rubbed my eyes, sitting up as I did so. Dewy grass sat beneath me as I looked around, trying to figure out where I was. My heart was palpitating as I started feeling the rain cascade down onto me. I scrunched my eyes closed as I blocked the rain away from me. With wet clothes and nowhere to go, I didn't know what to do. I glanced around to see if there was anyone who could help me. A woman was walking around aimlessly on a path, smiling as she embraced the rain. I stood up, only to have the wet grass cause me to slip. My body collided with the ground once again as I tried to make the realization happen faster. I bit my lip hard, trying to contain a scream.

Had I really died?

I looked around, trying to find the answers to my predicament. One, I wasn't in my apartment. Two, Magnus wasn't here. Three, this wasn't New York.

Without knowing what to do, I successfully stood up and walked over to the woman, stopping her as she was just about to leave the area. My hand clung to her shoulder as I started panting. This was the most exercise I'd gotten in a while.

"Where are we?" I asked in a rushed tone, looking hopefully for a sign of the warlock.

She fluttered her eyelids, then stared at me with wide eyes. "Who are you?"

I glared and walked away, then tried to get clues as to what this was. Unfortunately, no guys with spiked hair in rainbow pants showed up. I looked around, unable to find who I was looking for. Being silent wasn't helping, and calling out for Magnus would be stupid. I turned back, but the lady was already gone.

_I could have asked her where Magnus was. . ._

Without hesitation, I walked through a set of silver-colored gates and looked out at what I could only assume was a town. The rain had completely stopped, to my shock and surprise. There were brick buildings covered in moss, large wooden doors, and happy-go-lucky people abundant as they wandered throughout the streets. I still searched the crowds. It was hopeless - none of them looked any bit like Magnus.

Before I just decided to sit down on a bench and give up while crying, I noticed something. A boy in blue skinny jeans smiling and giggling with another boy in purple pants. The two were sitting close together on a small patch of grass next to a stone fountain. I watched as they talked, feeling something slowly rise in my chest. Somehow, I remembered this. This exact moment was becoming clearer in my memory. The two boys started to give each other sweet, short kisses as no one seemed to care or notice. I started to smile almost, and I could feel a fluttery emotion inside me. They fell down onto the grass, before they turned into nothingness. It was like the impact had destroyed them.

I backed away, a hand over my mouth. As I looked down at my arm, I noticed the deep slashes. It was all becoming clear now.

A boy passed by me. As I inspected him, I noticed a gaping hole in the back of his head. He seemed to not even know it was there. I leaned over, feeling the bile in my stomach rise into my throat. What the hell kind of place was this?!

I tried to run back through the gates, but they were closed. Completely, utterly closed. I tried running through one of them with my shoulder, but that only resulted in the gates just slightly creaking. My scarred arms banged against the metal as I tried opening the gates. No one seemed to notice, they all just kept walking. Why were they ignoring what I was doing? I started tugging on the thick bars, pulling them as hard as I could. That got everyone's attention.

Their gazes pierced through me, and told me all in the same cold way to stop what I was doing. I glared, and turned to them. None looked threatening, but I still felt intimidated. "Let me _fucking _go!"

None of them spoke a word.

I could feel a rush of adrenaline course through me as I walked over to the guy with the hole in his head and punched him hard. "TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK I AM AND WHY THE FUCK I'M HERE."

They all seemed to start backing away as I inhaled and exhaled sharply. I could feel my heart race as I was suddenly running. The people were chasing me, and I had no other options. I opened a door to a large building made of the same bricks all the other buildings were made of. My heart rate quickly decreased as I noticed a flashing head of golden hair, with eyes to match, giving off a light in the darkness. A light switched on, and just as my eyes became adjusted to it, I could see a smirking boy staring back at me.

A parabati rune graced his neck, and he wore a black Idris Academy shirt. He grinned at me as he walked towards me.

"Alec!" He embraced me in a huge, friendly hug.

My cheeks flushed a bright red as I felt a tingly feeling in my heart. _Jace_. . .

We both stared at each other, smiling as we enjoyed the moment of re-finding each other after so many years. But, that begged the question: if everyone here was dead, how did Jace die without me knowing it?

I kept the thought towards the back of my brain as I tried to enjoy this moment. Jace and I stood away from the windows so none of them could see us. My heart raced with each glance I took at him. He was still as dead-sexy as ever, and I couldn't deny it. Just seeing him made me feel one hundred times better. The drugs, the drinking, everything that had turned my life awful. Magnus had done the same, but I hadn't had the time to realize what he was doing. As we sat in the corner of the main room, I tried considering what he had done for me.

Magnus had willingly helped me while I was ODing, and he took me into his house. He never let me think that I didn't have a reason to be here. In general, he showed me complete kindness, and so much sympathy. I could feel a string inside me break. Now I could never see him again. . .then again, he'd find someone much better than me later on. . .

I could feel my eyes sting as I looked over at Jace. He scooted closer to me on the couch, then rested a hand on my shoulder. I hugged him tightly, resting my head on top of his. Why did he have to be straight? If he was interested in guys and decided to go out with me, I probably wouldn't have gone to the underground in the first place. With a light growl from me, I could hear him start quietly talking.

"You left someone behind, didn't you?" He asked in a flat tone as we broke the hug.

I stared down at him, then nodded a bit.

Jace nodded, then looked down. "How would you react if I told you I didn't like Clary, and that I never did?"

My eyes went big at his statement, and I felt my heart race. He bit his bottom lip gently as I stared at him. Was Jace telling me what I had only dreamed of him ever saying? I rubbed the parabati rune on my neck as I listened to him confess about his constant heterosexual relationships, taking in every word. Apparently he had only done all of this to hide what he was really feeling, and to possibly turn him straight and make him better again. Once he died and left Clary, however, he started noticing his attraction towards males. He hadn't expressed it previously, and I had been the only person he'd ever told. Well, at least that's what I heard. I also heard that he really had loved me all along, but that was just my crush on him.

"It's okay, Jace. I swear, I won't tell anyone." I said quietly, smiling as he took both of my hands.

I blushed brightly as he pressed our hands to his chest. He sat silently before he pressed his lips to mine. My eyes went wide, and never closed before he broke the kiss. I furrowed my brow and stared at him. He let go of my hands, then stared at me until I chose to talk.

"Jace, what the hell?" I asked, still stunned.

He sighed and stood up. "I'm sorry. It didn't feel right at all. Maybe I was wrong. . ."

I looked down as I examined his statement. This world must have been filled with melancholic people, and turned otherwise happy people into depressed drones of what they once were. I swallowed as I tried to tell him something that wouldn't bring him down even more. Though this had been my dream for years, I surprisingly disliked it. To me, it felt like kissing my own brother. I sighed as I started to speak again.

"No, Jace, it's fine. I'm just not the one. After all, I think you're not supposed to fall in love with your parabati. I broke that law, but that's not the point." I nodded as I tried to reassure him.

He sighed, and then disappeared into another room. I looked out the window, and started hearing yelling and screaming. My heart pounded in my chest, and I could feel my wrists throb lightly. I raced to the room that Jace had entered, and locked the door hastily. Jace had an eyebrow cocked, and he stared at me with a concerned look. I sat down in a corner, my eyes big. Without a voice, and in shock, I said nothing.

He knelt down in front of me, and stared at me. My eyes were still big, and he rested a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. "Alec, what's wrong?"

"T-they're out there. . .they're still looking. . ." My voice shook inexplicably, and I could feel my arms reach to my legs for comfort.

He looked out of a curtained window, unable to see what I was seeing. His expression changed drastically when he did notice, however. I bit my bottom lip hard, and tried to keep quiet. For fear they would find us, I pulled him down to my level. "Jace, we're going to die, aren't we?"

With a quick glance over to the closed window, he sighed. "If we are, just tell me if you had a lover in life before you died."

My gaze met his, and he pulled me close, his golden eyes meeting mine with a sorrowful sense to them.

"Yes. His name was Magnus. Magnus Bane. He was the reason I slashed my wrists. But he tried saving me. . .he was there for me when I died. . ." My head dropped into my hands as I could feel my tears sting my eyes again.

Jace's face was only inches from mine after I removed my hands from my face. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I could feel him lean in closer, and press his soft, warm lips to mine. I was unable to fight against it. My heart raced as I almost melted into him, placing my hands on his cheeks, and letting him climb on top of me. Just as he broke the kiss, he smiled down at me and leaned in for another. The people outside were gone from my mind as Jace continued to "comfort" me. His hands kept caressing me gently, and I started to let out light, ragged breaths. They wouldn't have heard me, nor him. His hands roamed around my body, and then I began to notice his battle scars. Long, deep, crimson gashes ran up and down his arms, I could feel them as I ran my hands up against his bare skin underneath his shirt. Just as I began to pull his shirt off, I saw the wound that must have killed him. It was a set of about nine punctures in his stomach as chest, all deep and looking the same as his gashes. My eyes went big as I inspected them.

Whatever I had expected to kill him was nowhere near this. Jace's eyes went dark, sad, as he picked up his shirt and pulled it back on. He rested his hands on top of mine, and held my wrists up so he could see. "Alec. . .he really meant that much to you? So much that you'd kill yourself for him?"

With a nod, and I responded. "He meant that much to me, yes. Now I regret it, since he'll never come here and be with me again. . ."

Jace's eyes had never looked so sad. I continued looking down, feeling my heart sink deeper.

I would never see Magnus again. . .


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Have some more Addict - N. L.! :) P.S., I realized that I have not been spelling the word "parabatai" correctly. So, in this story, it is now corrected, because I hate having reoccurring errors in my writing.**

Chapter Three: Affairs and Betrayal

It had been a few months since I had been transported to this new, amazing place. Jace had shown me every inch of it, and happily told me what places were the most romantic. While he had never told me where we were, I was beginning to not care as much. It would be fine, as long as he was with me. It had been my crush since childhood wanting to be with me, and now we could actually be how I had only dreamed of - lovers. Every time I even thought of the fact that Jace and me were a thing now, I could feel a twinge in my stomach. To me, it felt right to say that. Before I would just laugh a bit and try to blow off the fact that I wanted him so badly, but now I could laugh and embrace it. It was like a ginormous weight lifted off of my shoulders. Once I had found out that in death, being parabatai's didn't matter, I felt even better.

I smiled warily as I watched him try to stay up. The moon was just setting, and Jace was trying to stay up. Cuddling against me, he closed his eyes gently. I listened to him breathe as he started opening his eyes again, and I adjusted myself to his level. He placed a gentle kiss on my nose and laughed lightly. We both started kissing, pressing closer and rubbing against each other until I started trying to take off his shirt. Then I remembered what I had seen the first time around. I quickly tugged it back down, and glanced up at him with a sad expression.

"Alec, are you okay?" He asked as he cupped my chin, trying to level our gazes.

Swallowing hard, I nodded and gave a light smile. He seemed to just shoot me a glance that said "okay", and continued back to our make-out session. However, I couldn't get into it. I tried rolling my hips against his, but that did nothing for me. My heart raced as the long sleeves of my shirt rolled down from his body movements. I closed my eyes tightly as he started trying to take off my shirt. My black bangs covered my face as I tried to keep our eyes from meeting once again. I whimpered lightly, my eyes opening as my shirt was completely removed, and tossed to the side of the bed. Jace stared down at me, trying to get some kind of sign.

He had gotten nothing. Only silence filled the room as he sat up, and stared at the wall behind me. I sat up, still staring at him.

"Alec, does this feel odd to you?" He asked in a breathy tone, now looking at me.

I looked down, my scarred arms resting on my stomach as I tried to think of an answer to his question.

Without thinking of anything, I shrugged lightly and looked back up at him. His golden eyes were almost dripping with concern, a look that was rare on his bronze face. I could feel my heart sink as I leaned forward, and ingulfed him in a warm embrace. Jace sat, frozen for a few seconds, before wrapping his arms around my waist and starting to whisper in my ear.

"Is it my scars?" He asked, as I looked down.

My forehead now rested on his shoulder, as I tried to form sentences again. Around him, in this position, it was extremely hard.

"N-no, Jace. D-do you even want to do this with me?" I stammered, trying to not sound as pathetic as I did.

He adjusted me so our eyes locked, and so he could stare at me properly.

"Alec, ever since I died and came here I've been sure of one thing. I've been sure that I love you more than a parabatai. It's not just infatuation, if that's what you're thinking. While I haven't even noticed it, you've meant more to me than that. If I knew that our relationship would become more than just a friendship, I wouldn't have become your parabatai. I knew that you liked me, Alec. You always made it obvious, what with you not approving of Clary, and those events when we were children. Did you think that I didn't know that you wanted to be romantically involved? Really, if you had said something, it would have been nice. I've been here for, like, two years, and I never knew if you really did have any feelings towards me, or if it was just you being protective. To be honest, I guess it was a little of both. After all, you did always warn me about her, and being with her. I guess I should have listened."

His sudden speech seemed to take my breath away. My heartbeat increased so much that it felt like my heart would explode out of my chest. I gave a large, sweet smile and blushed heavily, leaning in close.

Just before I could place a kiss on his lips, however, he intervened.

"I still have a question."

"Tell me."

He swallowed lightly as he leaned in close, our noses bumping gently.

"Are you a top or a bottom?"

Just before I could answer, he pinned me down to the bed, laughing as he began to trail kisses down my body. I moaned and sighed heavily, trying to stop myself from getting hard. Failing, Jace inspected my crotch before looking up and giving a sexy wink and unzipping my pants. It was rare that I was conscious during sex, but now I knew what it was actually like. I moaned in a high, fluttery tone as Jace continued to pleasure us both. It seemed like everything would all be fine from here on out. Just as I reached a climax, I could feel a pang in my heart. It wasn't a feeling I knew well, but I could tell it was something that was important.

I could hear a voice in the back of my head, calling with a sad, upset voice.

_Alec?! Alec, are you here?! Answer me!_

The face of the owner of the voice filled my mind. His green eyes were puffy, red, filled with tears. His once-graceful, slender body seemed to be weak, frail, and shaking. Blood was splattered against his clothes. My body froze as I realized what I was seeing.

Jace looked down at me, staring like I was in a trance. My heart stopped as I heard myself reply to the voice.

_Magnus. . .hi._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I have been writing a new story, and original story, and that is the reason I have been distracted from continuing the Addict story. I'm sorry, and I will just leave this short chapter in hopes that you won't kill me. And to that person who asked if Alec had died: you will find out near the end of the story. I promise.**

Chapter Four: Telepathy and Melancholy

I had been sitting in one of the comfy chairs in Jace's home, pondering about the visions I had seen only hours earlier. After I had responded to the voice in my head, I had gotten no response. I just passed it off as insanity after it happened, but now I wasn't so sure. Was it really me going mad, or had it been the warlock who was speaking to me? Every thought racing through my head couldn't help me try to answer the question that lingered.

Out of curiosity, I had tried speaking to him again. With every "hi" or "hello", nothing came back. I was starting to believe that I had just imagined it.

Swallowing hard, I looked down at the scars on my wrists. They didn't solve or clear up anything. All they did was remind me how I had died because of the warlock. My eyes burned as I looked at an area of my skin with a purple-ish hue. Had it been one of the hickeys that Magnus left? I didn't know, but it could have been.

Jace hadn't interrupted me for the hours that I had been sitting there, staring off into space while in deep thought. I wondered if he would respond, or if he had created some kind of spell to talk to me.

Or maybe, he was here, and looking for me.

I looked out the window, and tried to locate a figure that looked similar to his. In the back of my mind, I knew I wouldn't find him. But, for the time being, it didn't matter. I needed to find Magnus, and I needed to know what happened to him. If anything, I wanted to know if he forgave me for everything.

My heart raced as I could feel a tingling in my core.

_Alec, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. Just know that I'm doing this to come find you. I can't get over what happened, and now, we might have a chance again. . .I'll be with you soon._

A throbbing sensation overcame my head as I felt my eyes go wide. Magnus had responded. . .but what did he mean?

I instantly replied, in hopes of getting the answers I wanted.

_Magnus, where are you?! What are you doing?! By the Angel, what is it that you're doing?!_

I could hear only the quietness of the room as I waited for his answer. Only the beating of my heart could be heard as I tried to hold back what I assumed were tears. I couldn't imagine Magnus in pain. My heart would go out if that were the case.

_I have a bunch of painkillers, it's all I could find in my house. I don't know why I had them before, but now they'll be put to use. Alec, I'm going to kill myself._

My heart sunk, and I could feel myself stop moving entirely. I couldn't say anything, my throat was dry. My tears seemed to cease instantly.

_. . .really. . .?_


End file.
